i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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