I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
