He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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