Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
