new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize