4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
