the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Randomize
