Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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