Apparently you make a good broom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
