i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
