I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
