apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
