Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
