Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
