were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
