The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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