community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
