And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
