Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
