This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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