i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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