i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Come on in and take your pants off
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