Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
