sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
