I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
