good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
