I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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