i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
