Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
