OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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