Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
