SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Come see our sink grown plant.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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