i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize