So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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