Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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