Got a toothbrush?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need to calm my uterus...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
