I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
