I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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