remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
