did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
