We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
