I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
