It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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