you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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