So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
