I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
