Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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