I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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