So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize