Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
