i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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