my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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