The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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