Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
