I faked an abortion last night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
