he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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