You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
