First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
