Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
