Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
