Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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