I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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