do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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