her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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