Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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