I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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