I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize