ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
