I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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