if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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