I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
