Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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