I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
