i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
