look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
