I puked a lego.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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