Your mouth is God's brothel.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
