The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
