I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
