Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
