Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
