All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
