I hate your face
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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