u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
