3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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