I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
