i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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