Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
