tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
