this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
