I think I died a long time ago.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
