Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
