this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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