the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
