the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize