YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You need a sexual gate keeper
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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