I need help removing her.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
