Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
