she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
