They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
