I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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