Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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