You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
