Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
only if we run a train.
done.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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