And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize