My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
