that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
