You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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