Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
